I once wrote an obituary for myself as part of a year-long church study group based on the Stephen Levine book, A Year to Live: How to Live This Year as If It Were Your Last. We had to read our obituary to the group. It was only a little bit awkward.. I will spare you what I wrote then while noting that it would be quite different if I wrote it now… …which I should probably do… yet in what style?
Obituaries are often the crucial component in building a family tree (another post on that process some other time!).
Our obituaries become a summary of our life. Scores of years (hopefully) encapsulated in a few paragraphs. They can be brief or verbose, funny, reflective or “just the facts.” This post is a small selection of distinctive obituaries.
Good obituaries
My parents, Elsie Todd and Cecil Daniels, wrote their obituaries in their early eighties, and we only had to do minor edits when they died. While I’m not objective, I think these are examples of good obituaries. There’s nothing particularly unique about them; they are just good, standard thorough obituaries.
As an example of an extraordinary one, Emily Phillips (1946-2015) wrote her own obituary, full of wit and warmth and wisdom… It starts with:
It pains me to admit it, but apparently, I have passed away. Everyone told me it would happen one day but that’s simply not something I wanted to hear, much less experience. Once again I didn’t get things my way! That’s been the story of my life all my life.
Emily DeBrayda Fisher Phillips
And while on that subject (the story of my life)…
Emily goes on to describe her memories and experiences, including 4-H Club skits, Mardi Gras parades with her high school band, through marriage and children, writing, “Seeing these two grow into who they were supposed to be brought a wonderful sense of meaning to our lives.” She apologizes for youthful transgressions and tells of falling in love with “my five grand-angels.” Emily exhorts us to make something amazing of our lives and to keep smiling. In a bit of echoing Thich Nhat Hanh, she writes,
If you want to, you can look for me in the evening sunset or with the earliest spring daffodils or amongst the flitting and fluttering butterflies. You know I’ll be there in one form or another. Of course that will probably comfort some while antagonizing others, but you know me…it’s what I do.
I won’t spoil her closing…. her whole obituary is worth the read….
Emily’s obituary has been noted many times, including headlining the “Love Lives On” website’s 17+ Insanely Funny Obituaries
However, things are not always so rosy…
Bad obituaries?
The living judge what constitutes a “bad” obituary. I would argue that there are no “bad” obituaries, certainly not “bad” if they honestly tell the story of the person. With some people, you just have to cut loose with their obituaries. Such is the case with Irishman Chirs Conners (1949-2016), whose obituary is full of the humor he lived.
It carries on for six more raucous paragraphs…. Chris would be pleased….
Since those left behind ultimately get to decide what goes into your obituary, there are inevitably times when the obit becomes a way to express one last blast of resentment toward the deceased.
Okay, perhaps this one is actually bad?
One example that is hard to see as possibly a joke is the obituary of Leslie Ray Charping (1942-2017). His obit went viral and “broke” the funeral home’s web site, and and was removed. I include the first paragraph here
Leslie Ray “Popeye” Charping was born in Galveston, Texas on November 20, 1942 and passed away January 30, 2017, which was 29 years longer than expected and much longer than he deserved. Leslie battled with cancer in his latter years and lost his battle, ultimately due to being the horses ass he was known for. He leaves behind 2 relieved children; a son Leslie Roy Charping and daughter, Shiela Smith along with six grandchildren and countless other victims including an ex wife, relatives, friends, neighbors, doctors, nurses and random strangers.
Obituary for Leslie Ray Charping Nov 20, 1942 – Jan 30, 2017
It gets even worse for three more paragraphs, concluding with, “Leslie’s passing proves that evil does in fact die and hopefully marks a time of healing and safety for all.”
Seems like traumatized people left behind {sigh}.
The Sublime
While photographing at Arlington Cemetery in Sandy Springs, Georgia, I came across the grave of Nina Mary Rihacek (1928-2023). It had a nice white marble headstone perched at the top of a small hill, facing the rising sun. It was a bit over a month since her funerals, and the flowers were wilting, though still showing love. Other than an obvious recent burial, it didn’t stand out much in my day of many photos.
Lacking inscribed dates when I was posting the grave photo, I found that her obituary with her photo did stand out.
I find her and her obit sublimely charming.
Nina Mary Rihacek wife to Charles Rihacek and mother, age 94 -passed away on Sept 9 2023.
A long-time active member of Saint Jude the Apostle Catholic Church, faith was an integral part of Nina’s life and she celebrated in God’s love through family, music, nature and art. Mrs. Rihacek is survived by her daughters, Claudia Donahue (Patrick), Angela Rihacek, and Bridget Newman.
Nina will be remembered for her beautiful soul, her warm smile and embracing heart. Nina is a child of God- God is Love- Love wins.
That says it all…
Tell me about obituaries that have moved you.